A Shocking Discovery
by A Gay Elephant Named JohnLock
Summary: Italy finds out a shocking secret one day when Mexico visits him. Unfortunately for him, it's related to that night... T for crackerific humor. Italy/Mexico. What would that pairing even be called? ItaMex...? Written for BlackRoseofParis.


**A/N: WHAT. Well, this is a result of my best friend Vetgirl and I being idiots at midnight. Enjoy!**

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It was never supposed to turn out this way. It was supposed to be just one night, one simple mistake that the two nations involved wanted to leave in the behind- never to be mentioned to anyone ever. For a few weeks, it was indeed this way. However, this would all change after a normal trip to the doctor. Mexico had been throwing up a lot lately- especially in the morning- and had become concerned. It wasn't a recession virus, as it didn't feel the same, but she felt as though, somewhere in the back of her mind, she knew what was wrong with her. Perhaps she was repressing it, but whatever it was, it would require a doctor.

She made an appointment with her usual doctor, China (as the stereotype goes that the Chinese always strived to be a doctor and/or a lawyer). "What seems to be the problem today, Mexico, aru?" China asked her.

Mexico sighed. "I don't know. I can't figure what's causing this vomiting." she replied.

China frowned. "Hm, so you don't think it's a recession virus, aru?"

She shook her head. "No. My country is fine… as it can be at the current time."

"I see, aru. Well, as your doctor it's my duty to figure out what is wrong with my clients, aru. Let's begin with your symptoms, aru. You say you've been vomiting a lot lately, aru."

Mexico nodded. "Si. In the morning."

"In the morning… okay, aru. Any other symptoms, aru?"

She paused to think. "I just noticed recently that I've been starting to get strange cravings. Like, I've been craving Chinese food."

China tilted his head. "Many people crave Chinese food."

She shrugged. "I suppose, but what's even stranger is I've been craving… British food."

The Chinese nation's eyes widened. "Mother of God…" He did not say anything for a while. "Mexico… I'm afraid… there is only one thing this can be, aru."

Mexico leaned forward, eager to learn what had been troubling her the past few weeks. China sighed. "Mexico, you're pregnant, aru."

The woman almost fell off the… couch-chair-thingy that you sit on when you go to the doctor's. You know, that thing with the paper stuff and the pillow, in case they want you to lie down. Yeah, that thing. "I-I'm pregnant?" she choked out, burying her hands in her face.

China nodded grimly. "There is nothing else that fits your symptoms, aru."

"W-What should I d-do, China?" she asked, looking up from her hands. However, China wasn't there. He was behind her at the door. He glanced back at her. "Oh, I'm sorry, aru. I have to get to court and defend my client, aru. He's on trial for murder, aru. Good day!" he said, walking out the door of the room.

Mexico buried her hands in her face once again and cried. _Oh, how could this turn out this way?_

~So I Heard You Like Page Breaks~

This was any typical day for Italy. He woke up late in Germany's bed, as he typically did. His boyfriend Germany has, most likely, already been up for several hours now, doing paper work (as he explained to Italy that he had things like that to do in the morning). He ninja rolled out of bed (like a boss) and went downstairs to get some leftover pizza and pasta for breakfast (as that those are the things that fill up the entire Italian food pyramid). After feasting upon his delicious leftovers, he decided to find his boyfriend. And do hot things to him. And if I'd of been there, I'd be like 'aw sweet'. Before he could do that, someone rang the doorbell. "Liebling, can you get that?" Germany called from his study.

"Ve~ of course, Germany!" Italy called back, walking towards the door. He opened it, and saw somone he immediately dreaded: Mexico. "O-Oh, Mexico. W-What are you d-doing h-here?" he asked nervously.

Mexico grimaced. "Italy... we have to talk. You know that night when we...?"

He nodded. "Y-Yes. I remember it clearly, Mexico."

"Liebling? Who is it?" Germany asked, still in his study.

Italy jumped and shifted on his feet, trying to figure out what to tell Germany. "Err... wrong number! Why do people always call during dinner? Charity!" is his wonderful answer.

This clearly interested the German. The two nations at the door could har him open his study, and head over to the where they were. "Who is... oh, Mexico. What're you doing here?" he asked.

Mexico sighed. "I might as well tell you both at the same time." she said.

Germany raised an eyebrow, and Italy smiled awkwardly. "V-Ve~ we should probably head to the living room first, hehe!" Italy suggested.

She nodded. The trio made their way to the living room. Italy and Germany sat beside each other on the loveseat, and Mexico sat down on the couch. "So... what is it you want to tell us?" Germany asked.

"There is no easy way to say this, but... I'm pregnant." she said quietly.

The Italian gasped in horror. "No! This can't be happening!"

Germany gave his lover a concerned look. "What's wrong? Why are you freaking out over Mexico being pregnant?"

Italy grabbed Germany by the shoulders and began to shake him. "Don't you see? She told me this because..."

"Because...?" Germany echoed.

The Italian sighed "Because I'm the father."

Germany gasped, and a scratchy laughter filled the room. "Kesesese! Boy West, bet you didn't see that coming!" Prussia said as he and Japan entered the room. Japan was wearing one of Prussia's shirts... and nothing else.

"Why are you in Prussia's shirt... and nothing else, Japan?" Germany asked.

Japan shrugged. "We were having sex and my kimono got very dirty."

"But I thought you were sleeping with France." Italy said.

"Oh, I am. I'm sleeping with both. And Turkey, too." he replied.

Mexico cut in. "Guys, have you already forgotten our issue?" she asked, annoyed.

The two turned back to Mexico. "Oh, no, Mexico. The author of this story just wanted to put the pairings that she and Vetgirl shipped that involved Japan in this story. As a joke. Now let's get back to your thing." Italy said.

"You're surprisingly OOC." Mexico said.

He shrugged. "It's a crack fic, what do you expect otherwise?" he asked.

"...true enough." she said. She then made a sharp gasp and clutched at her stomach.

Italy leaned forward, a concerned expression on his face. "What's wrong?"

She looked at him with a horrified expression. "I'm going into labor... nine months early!"

"WHAT!-?-!-?" Italy shrieked. "WE HAVE TO GET YOU TO A HOSPITAL!"

Italy grabbed Mexico and dragged her into his awesome ferrari. Hell yeah. They drove to the hospital, and Germany was already there for something. Oh yeah. And Prussia, Japan, and Japan's three lovers were there too. Because they wanted to be. So they were all in the delivery room thing and watched Mexico give birth. Prussia fainted in a very manly and awesome way, as did Turkey. But not France. Because he is NOT a sissy! Stop making him seem like it! After over NINE-THOUSAAAAND hours of Mexico in labor, she gave birth. China (who also delivered babies) showed him to the two parents. "It's a bouncing full-grown Russia!" he said, somehow holding Russia up (like a boss).

Italy and Mexico smiled. "This is wonderful, Mexico." Italy said, hugging her.

Germany gasped. "But I thought you were upset over her being pregnant!" he exclaimed.

Italy shrugged. "Well, I'm happy now. So I'm leaving you. Mexico is now my girlfriend." He kissed her on the cheek.

Japan decided to RUIN THE WHOLE STORY, and asked "Wait, how is your baby Russia? Didn't he already exist?"

Russia spoke. "Japan is right, parents. But I am not Russia."

The two parents gasped in horror. "What?-!-?" they both said in shock.

Russia grinned. "I am not Russia. I am secretly..." He exploded into a giant spaghetti pile with wings. "THE FLYING SPAGHETTI MONSTER!"

Everyone screamed in terror and the Flying Spaghetti Russia then proceeded to sexually molest everyone with his noodly appendages. The parents didn't care though. They loved their Flying Spaghetti Russia child. The family of three then rode off into the sunset on a giant bichon frise named Sparkilina.

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**A/N: THE END. SEQUEL? MAYBE.**


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